The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
