i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
