Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
my liver is dry heaving
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize