I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
