Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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