it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
