wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
