Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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