I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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