I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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