Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
