I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
