he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
