I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
