Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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