Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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