we have pet lesbian snakes
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
