I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
