I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
someone owes me an orgasm
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
