if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
