I accidentally burped into my bong.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
