It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
