Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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