Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
