Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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