new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
as a side note pls kill me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
