she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My life is pants optional.
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