We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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