i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
