doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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