he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
