her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is Oprah even human
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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