Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
where are my eyebrows?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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