You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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