I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize