WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
