If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize