You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
