haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
