Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
