Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
