Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you win again, gameday.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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