her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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