Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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