I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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