I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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