So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Randomize
