You really coming over, don't trick.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize