You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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