so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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