Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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