You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
