I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
