So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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