Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
