I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
