There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
