now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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