I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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