Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
