Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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