It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Congratulations! We have a period
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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