so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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