im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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