I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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