what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she peed on how many people?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
