I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
