I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
