The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
