Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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