i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize