hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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