ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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