Cold hands, warm shart.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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