im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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