just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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