there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
