Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",

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(772): View more from Florida

i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me

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(913): View more from Kansas

Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.

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(415): View more from California

i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth

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(212): View more from New York

He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.

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(773): View more from Illinois

Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.

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(347): View more from New York

I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?

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(216): View more from Ohio

You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor

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(313): View more from Michigan

will a lunchtime blow job make it better?

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