Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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