I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
