u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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