It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
