I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
