Can i not drive my cunt home
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
