Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
