you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize